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Hello. It’s Been Awhile…

You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy.

C. JoyBell C.

The summer of 2023 was spent in Hayward, WI in our new tiny home at Treeland Resort. I loved it. LOVED it. We took our pontoon out in the evenings after work to watch the sunset, spent happy hours at the local pub where drinks could be free – if you pulled the right color of poker chip from the bag, and made friends with the other full-timers. We were in the northwoods, where I didn’t have to lock my car doors just to get gas.

It was beautiful! The stress from my job seemed to melt away every evening as I walked the dogs among the tall pines. We had plenty of room for the two of us, and hosted friends and family several times. And while I missed certain conveniences of the city – a grocery store 5 minutes away, my pick of stellar hairstylists, and really good Italian food, the trade off was (is!) fresh air and the feeling of being removed from the daily bullshit that happens living in a large city.

Then we left to go south to Texas in October to live in our 36 foot fifth wheel for the winter.

We spent our first month of living in our RV in Port Aransas, TX. We have friends there, and BONUS, I was able to catch up with a cousin of mine who now lives in Houston. Amazing laughs and phenominal Italian Food in Corpus Christi at Bella Luna. (Again–it pays to have friends where you travel – thank you, Rob and Jana!) Our spot was yards from the beach where I walked the dogs daily in the 80 degree sunshine. I soaked in the warmth and the salty sea air, feeling like the luckiest person in the world.

When we left Wisconsin, I remarked to my sister that I needed a vacation. She laughed and said, your LIFE is a vacation! And as I thought about it, I couldn’t help but agree with her at the time. But here’s the thing… when you’re working 40+ hours a week, it’s not as though you are taking advantage of the amenities they provide you at your beautiful RV park. I spent one day the entire time we were there, at the pool. Otherwise, you are living your normal life, just doing so in your RV. That’s the reality of it. But it certainly doesn’t mean it’s bad in any way! Just take note: don’t spend a lot of money renting a spot where there are a ton of amenities. If you are working from the road, you simply won’t have the time to use them.

Throughout this, we traveled to Phoenix to spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with our grown children. You know…I see all of these Reels on Instagram that show empty nesters and how happy they are to travel everywhere without their kids. And while I understand the message they are trying to convey, saying goodbye to my kids is still the hardest thing I will ever do. We left after Christmas and I just felt sadness. Because who knows when I’ll see them next?

But here we are now, in Kerrville, TX staying at Buckhorn Resort. There are over 60 wineries in the hill country of Texas and I’m excited to spend my weekends exploring as many as we can! Tomorrow we plan on visiting Turtle Creek Olives and Vines. I mean, just look at their website! (As a marketer, they won me over based on that alone.)

So, I’ll keep you updated from Kerrville!

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Welcome to the Shit Show…hope you brought alcohol.

If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.

Erma Bombeck

9 days at Mystic Lake RV Park

4 days at Lebanon Hills Regional Park

6 days in our seasonal spot in Hayward, WI

6 days in a DIFFERENT spot in Hayward, WI

To say we’ve been living a transient lifestyle since we sold our house is an understatement. I haven’t been able to unpack dishes or create a better closet situation because we just end up moving so quickly, it doesn’t make sense to put glass in the cabinet or reconfigure the closet quite yet. And here’s why…

Our tiny home is coming early! SIX WEEKS early! It will be here in TWO days! And I cannot wait to get settled, finally.

But can I tell you how wonderful it is to be in Hayward again? The peaceful setting outside. Seeing stars so bright and visible in the night sky. Wonderful people who love nothing more than telling a good fish tale over an Old Milwaukee beer.

I’m a city girl, raised in St. Paul. But over the past few years, I’ve come to love the simplicity of the loons calling on the lake and the otters swimming.

So, while the shit show is almost over, (I hope!) I feel like I’m home, and that truly is the best feeling.

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Done. Broken and Done.

You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

Anonymous

Today I broke. I couldn’t get a garbage bag around my clothes and screamed (really–I did) about 20 four letter words (well that’s no surprise to anyone who knows me,) threw them all down and walked away. After that production, I’m sitting here watching the NHL playoffs and drinking my martini.

I’ve calmed down a bit, but today was a day of feeling overwhelmed. I took the day off work to pack, but unlike most jobs, Fridays for me are email heavy. So, the dreaded-“I’ve got to catch up on emails” had already set in by 10am. But we had to load the trailer, pack the rest of our things, and drive north three hours to Hayward, WI where we have our storage facility. We drove for six hours there and back. It snowed. It’s cold. I’m grumpy. I JUST WANT TO BE DONE. I’m feeling sad that my puppies will no longer have their 1/3 acre fenced in yard to run around in. I feel guilty that they look at me with their big, brown eyes and wonder what the hell is going on. UGH! I’m such a horrible puppy mama! See how my brain works?

Needless to say, my temper tantrum was probably anticipated by Dave. He just walked out of the bedroom and allowed me to vent. And by that, I mean he didn’t want to be a target–and I don’t blame him.

All of this said, I still think we are making such an amazing change. One where I anticipate adventures with new cultures, food, friends, and Dave not living in arthritis agony anytime a low front comes through. In the words of a favorite colleague of mine, It’s gonna be great!

Right?

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Anxiety or Excitement?

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.” 

Helen Keller

Last night, I woke up twice. My heart was racing as was my mind. I breathed in 1.2.3.4.5.6. *hold breath* exhale 1.2.3.4.5.6. *hold breath*. Now do it again, and again, and again. I had two anxiety attacks.

Yesterday I cried on my way home from Home Depot for no other reason than I Hope You Dance was on the radio. I thought of my kids, grown and ready for their next adventure, and immediately my eyes filled with tears thinking of how I am done raising them and just “hope” for them now.

My doggies, Lanny and Marvin, are so confused about the goings on in our house. Where is our couch? Where is our ottoman? WHERE IS ALL OF OUR FURNITURE, MOM?! I swear that is what they are asking me when they look at me through their tufts of hair on their heads.

I keep telling myself, “Once we get north to Hayward, it will feel like home again.” But the truth is leaving this house has been more difficult than I would have ever imagined. My babies grew up here. We held so many parties in our house over these 20+ years–hockey, graduation, family reunions, baby showers. We played heated games of Aggravation and Mario Cart in our home. SO. MUCH. LAUGHTER. But there were also broken hearts that needed mending. Teenage mistakes that required some tough love, but definitely forgiveness. Always forgiveness. And then celebration as they both claimed their adulthood with a confidence I still don’t have at the age of 47. Pride seems too small a word.

I can’t believe we’re actually doing this. Going tiny. Going on our next adventure. And you know, while I’m filled with anxiety beyond belief, I’m excited as hell for it to start.

T Minus One Week….

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Tiny House Living

Given another shot at life, I would seize every minute…look at it and really see it… live it…and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff. Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what. Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. – Erma Bombeck

Dave and his favorite activity, driving the pontoon with his co-captain, Marvin.

Dave and I have been empty nesters for four years. Incredibly in those four years, we’ve gone through a pandemic, Henry has graduated from college and is now off to graduate school, and Muriel is almost finished with law school.

Our home is too big, and our winters are too cold. What’s a (relatively) young couple to do? Let’s go on the road! WE HAVE SOLD OUR HOME and are going to live tiny!

Our friends think we are absolutely bonkers, but time is finite. Let’s take the time between kids and grandkids and live our dream while we can. Work remote, see new cities, and relearn our relationship. Create even deeper connections. To take a step back and intentionally LIVE.

Our tiny home, a 400 square foot cabin-style park model will be placed in our RV park in Hayward, WI, where we will live in the summer months. Can you imagine? After work pontoon rides on the lake, stars above us in the unfiltered night sky, and quiet campfires? Feels like heaven to me.

In the winter months, we will travel south to Texas in our 5th wheel. Friends and warmth–what more do you need?

Want to keep up with our adventures? Follow us on Facebook and Instagram

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Grad School

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

– Erma Bombeck

What was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn’t. Last March 2021 I decided to go back to school to earn my M.B.A. Honestly, I thought–“I’ve been working for so long, I should be able to teach these courses.” I. WAS. WRONG. This is hard stuff–courses that challenge and create tears. Finance? What once was a favorite class of mine (I got an A in undergrad and totally thought I should get my master’s in it) became my nemesis.

I was working at Western Governors University at the time, and they offer employees a 75% off discount to earn your degree or advanced degree. An amazing benefit for sure and I wasn’t about to let that pass me by. Because it’s a competency-based education, rather than sit in a class for 8 or 16 weeks, you go through the courses at your own pace. You have to master the course to move on to your next one. Now, there are two issues with me doing this.

  • I will procrastinate if I’m not passionate about it. (Who is passionate about accounting?)
  • It was A LOT harder than I thought it would be.

Rather than take the Master’s in Leadership degree path, I decided that my weakness, my kryptonite, was math. So, I’d take the M.B.A. to turn that weakness into a strength! HA! You know, sometimes my confidence is really too much. My father, a former weatherman in the Air Force (clearly a math wizard) had four girls, none of whom were math stars, is probably looking down on me from heaven and laughing. I can picture him now, actually. Admiring my moxie yet laughing at my reality.

Enter Finance. What an eye opener. It took me two months and endless nights of taking my frustrations out on Dave. I had to learn all of the formulas, AND understand why and when you would use them. The Gordon Growth model? WACC? WTF? I went on endlessly on LinkedIn about how difficult it was and would slip in comments here and there in others’ posts. When I passed, I posted in ALL CAPS–I PASSED FINANCE. THAT IS ALL. To this day, it remains my most liked post. HA!

I’m almost there! Taking my Operations Management assessment tomorrow and then Econ and my capstone. I’ve learned so much about accounting, data analysis, and yes, finance. But I’ve also learned that I’m resilient. I’ve always said I don’t pretend to know everything about everything, but this degree showed me I know more than I think and if I don’t know it, I’m willing to learn. And I think at the heart of it, that’s what this is about, right? Learning, change for the better, having a better understanding of myself so I better understand others. Absorbing the good, bad, and the ugly (FINANCE), to grow. It’s been a fantastic journey from Henry and Muriel’s mom, or Dave’s wife to Lauran. From being behind them to beside them.

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Covid Thanksgiving

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.”

Erma Bombeck

Incredibly, the kids haven’t been home since January! This past summer, they drove the 6 hours to our cabin three times, but here at home? It’s been a while. Consequently, this was the first time my daughter saw that her bedroom was now my office. She hasn’t lived with us for four years, so I felt the transition was ok. She stood at the door in what I can only assume was bewilderment and shouted down the hallway at me, “WOW–it doesn’t even look like my room anymore.”

See, here’s the deal–are we supposed to keep their rooms like a museum? A child’s forever spot? I feel kind-of bad about this. Almost like their childhood bedrooms are the one space they have that is constant…safe. And now all of her memories are boxed up and painted over. But this is all part of the separation and more importantly, growing up. She’s 22 now; almost 23. When I was her age, I was married and had a baby–her. She honestly didn’t seem to mind until I told her that I was thinking of turning Henry’s room into a crafting space. She was enthusiastic about THAT idea leaving me to think maybe she is a bit hurt about not having her own space any longer. This may even that sibling playing scale…

You know what’s awesome, though? The time we spent together. We played games every night and we watched movies. We made candles, and we made sweatshirts. We ate, we laughed until we cried. We screamed WAY too many effinheimers during the family games, and drank WAY too many Bud Light Holiday Seltzers. Umm–have you had the Apple Crisp? AMAZING.

This is exactly what Thanksgiving is for–family. Laughing. LOTS of hugs and kisses. I can’t put into words the actual feelings in my heart, only to say that it is full.

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It’s Good to have Dave

All of a sudden, the nest is empty. The birds have gone and what once was a constant blur of activity is now nothing more than a few discarded feathers. Silence mutes all that was colorful and it is time to reestablish our significant place in an ever-changing world”

Marci Seither

For two months after Henry left in the fall of 2019, I sat in a funk. I remember going to work and doing what needed to be done, but I’m sure my coworkers all thought I was a complete bitch. I was short with them and my husband. *Sigh* My husband…

Dave has this sixth sense about me. After 22 years of marriage, he knows me better than I understand myself. He pushes me, he backs off, he makes me laugh–all when I need it the most. He is really my champion, especially in times I am being completely selfish. I’m not sure how he does it. I would have hated living with me this past fall. But instead of packing up and leaving, he planned. He planned trips–to Vegas, to Phoenix twice, and a cruise to the Caribbean. He figured that without paying for hockey anymore, we could use the money to escape the cold and the empty house. I’m sure his thought was ‘It may not be an every month occurrence, but let’s just try to just get Lauran through the first year.’ What a sweetheart, eh?

So we did. We went to Vegas and drank screwdrivers at 9am and martinis at 9pm. We went to Phoenix, Tucson, Lake Havasu, and back to Phoenix. We visited my mother, his father, my grandmother, and his father…again. I think I’m a bit done with Phoenix now. Next up–our first cruise. We’ll see how that goes for Dave.

Now look, I understand that not everyone has this opportunity to travel. You need to have available time off, and a budget of some kind. But this is where I will give you a totally UNsponsored tip: Use the app Hopper. It will find you great flights for cheap and will even tell you the best days/months to travel and whether or not you should book or wait. Our first trip to Phoenix was only $100 each round trip. And if you can stay with family for free–even better…well sometimes. 😉 The other trick is the Kayak app. It will tell you where you can go to on any budget in the world. If you are flexible, it could save you hundreds of dollars.

I have to admit, the short vacations throughout our Minnesota winter has made time fly. Also, I think I’m ready to just hunker down and be a homebody. But I’m sure by the time February and March roll around, I’ll change my mind and be looking for that quick 3 day weekend in Phoenix.

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What Now?

Getting lost in this new reality.

“When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they’re not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They’re upset because they’ve gone from supervisor of a child’s life to a spectator. It’s like being the vice president of the United States.”

—Erma Bombeck

August 24, 2019–my son, and youngest of my two children moved into his dorm room at the University of North Dakota. It was a five hour drive from home, and a journey 18 years in the making.

I have two children, Muriel and Henry. Muriel is almost 22 and Henry as of this writing, just turned 19. They have always been different from each other; one leads with their head, one their heart. One enjoys being alone, the other needs to be surrounded by their friends constantly. One took academics quite seriously, the other questioned the need for higher education. One plans for the future, one lives in the present. You get the gist. For those who only have one interpretation of Generation Z, I challenge you to observe my children and come away with the same assumptions.

So when I sent Muriel off to college, I didn’t worry. In fact, when she travelled the world modeling at the age of 18, I didn’t worry. Muriel left for college determined and ready to create her path. She has always been ready. But Henry…well, he’s a different story.

Henry is bright and humorous. He leads with his heart, and is a deep thinker. He is trying desperately to find his path. He has shown me that sometimes you need to consider things more carefully; that it isn’t always about me, and yet I’m the only one responsible for my outcome.

As a mom, we always worry, right? Are they making the right decisions–going to class, doing their homework, partying too much? I question everything…and yet, I think it’s because I don’t have the distractions I once had when they were both home–hockey, dance, lacrosse, volleyball, drama, pizza parties. See a theme? All centered around THE CHILDREN.

Now what? So begins the journey to figure that out. At 44 years old, I am learning to tackle new things–like this blog. If nothing else, I hope you find a little piece of yourself in this. I will try to be as honest as I can without completely embarrassing anyone. And I would love ideas from you! Our identities don’t have to be our children. It’s time to grow as Lauran–not just Mom.