“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.” 

Helen Keller

Last night, I woke up twice. My heart was racing as was my mind. I breathed in 1.2.3.4.5.6. *hold breath* exhale 1.2.3.4.5.6. *hold breath*. Now do it again, and again, and again. I had two anxiety attacks.

Yesterday I cried on my way home from Home Depot for no other reason than I Hope You Dance was on the radio. I thought of my kids, grown and ready for their next adventure, and immediately my eyes filled with tears thinking of how I am done raising them and just “hope” for them now.

My doggies, Lanny and Marvin, are so confused about the goings on in our house. Where is our couch? Where is our ottoman? WHERE IS ALL OF OUR FURNITURE, MOM?! I swear that is what they are asking me when they look at me through their tufts of hair on their heads.

I keep telling myself, “Once we get north to Hayward, it will feel like home again.” But the truth is leaving this house has been more difficult than I would have ever imagined. My babies grew up here. We held so many parties in our house over these 20+ years–hockey, graduation, family reunions, baby showers. We played heated games of Aggravation and Mario Cart in our home. SO. MUCH. LAUGHTER. But there were also broken hearts that needed mending. Teenage mistakes that required some tough love, but definitely forgiveness. Always forgiveness. And then celebration as they both claimed their adulthood with a confidence I still don’t have at the age of 47. Pride seems too small a word.

I can’t believe we’re actually doing this. Going tiny. Going on our next adventure. And you know, while I’m filled with anxiety beyond belief, I’m excited as hell for it to start.

T Minus One Week….